1. You will need a rake, a pin comb with spinning tines, a pin brush, and lots of alcohol (for you, not the dog).
2. You will need to have three hours, free of interruption. And more alcohol than you originally set on the table.
3. If your woolly is anything like mine, you will also need a leash or grooming table to prevent escapes. Also, more alcohol.
4. You will need a working knowledge of four letter words that are not suitable for young ears. If you don’t have any such knowledge, trust me, you will when you have finished grooming your dog, and you will probably have invented a few. This will happen with or without alcohol.
5. Leash the dog.
6. I start with the comb. Woollies mat like you would not believe. If you groomed him yesterday, he is matted today. Don’t believe me? Get your hands in there.
7. The left side will take an hour with the comb, from head to tail. Start drinking now.
8. In fifteen minutes, the four letter words will start coming. Coo them sweetly. No sense in traumatizing your dog. Drink some more.
9. Be ambidextrous. There is no way you will get through this one-handed. Your arms WILL get tired, and you’re just getting started. Yes, you can have another drink. Pour some for me too.
10. By the time you finish with the left side, you should have invented a few four letter words of your own. Flip the dog, or move around him.
11. Continue with the pin comb, the drinking, and the swearing on the right side. I know, you’ve never seen this much fur come off of one dog in one session in your life. Welcome to woollies.
12. You are now two hours into a three hour session. Give the dog a break, and have a really big drink for yourself. Do not share with the dog.
13. Now comes the rake. No matter how much fur you already have off to the side, your pile is about to triple in size. The comb gets a lot, but it has nothing on the rake. This will take about 45 minutes. One more drink.
14. Now you get to the tail, and the pin brush. Best of luck. Have another drink first.
15. Finish off by raking, then combing the tail. You may or may not have any alcohol left. You definitely have a beautiful dog, though he may not appreciate it. Mine doesn’t.
Congratulations! You have just groomed a woolly-coated Sibe and gained enough fur to coat two more dogs. If you have any alcohol left after this experience, enjoy it as you clean up the fur.
All this being said, in all seriousness, if you have a woolly-coated Sibe, or any other double-coated dog, please do not have him shaved because it’s summer and you think he’ll be cooler. Nothing could be further from the truth. That double coat keeps him cooler than shaving will, by trapping the air close to the skin. Also, the skin of your double-coated dog doesn’t know what the sun is except by vague description. His skin wasn’t meant to be exposed to sun, and he will very likely get sunburned. No, I am not kidding. Yeah, some of the cuts are cute, but your dog will be happier if you leave his fur alone and let him hang out in the house where it’s cooler.