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Situation: FUBAR

FUBAR is one of my favorite phrases, has been since Kurt Russell used it in Tango & Cash years ago. I won’t translate it here because of language – I don’t know the ages of the folks reading this, after all, and I am a mom, which means I’m not going to be the one who teaches someone’s kid to swear – but it sums up the present situation mighty well.

The situation is this: Now that I am halfway through my degree, financial aid has run out. Isn’t that wonderful? Between tuition costs and textbooks, I need to find another $4000 to finish my degree. School is expensive. But I don’t want to stay on disability for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to wind up working at McDonald’s either, or any other minimum wage job, which will probably pay less than I’m getting from disability anyway.

You can’t get a veterinary technician position if you have not graduated from an AVMA accredited school and sat for the VTNE, and being halfway through means that there is already financial aid money that must be paid back starting within six months of leaving school. So practically speaking, it makes more sense to find a way to push through and graduate so I can get the better-paying positions than it does to give up and settle for a crappy job and try to make the bills and loan payments on what the crappy job will pay.

More than that, it’s a matter of pride and self-esteem at this point. I’ve never finished anything, for one reason or another. Not the track record I want my girls looking up to if I want them to grow up to be strong, self-sufficient women with good educations who can hold their own against any man on any playing field. My girls are beautiful and smart, and they deserve a better role model in their mother than that. Every child does, and it’s my job to give them that.

Private scholarships and grants aren’t an option here, for several reasons, so, hubby and I have each put up our most expensive, prized possessions for sale, in the hope of being able to sell them and cover what remains to be paid of my degree. For him, it is his precious Macbook Pro Retina laptop. Computers are to him what fiber arts are to me, so I know that it stings quite a bit to have that computer on Craigslist.

For me, it’s my Schacht Mighty Wolf, my only floor loom, my Black Pearl, the loom I never even got to use because school is just that grueling. Oh, yes, it stings to have put her up on Craigslist too. But between those two items, if we can sell them, tuition and books will be covered for the remainder of my degree. I can’t ignore that fact. But this is assuming they sell.

A friend of mine also suggested that I set up a page at gofundme.com, so I did that here. I don’t expect much to happen with it. The economy is horrible, and everyone has their own issues and families to take care of, and it’s Christmastime. But, hey, worth a shot, right?

There are a couple of other very slim possibilities out there to explore before I give up. If I go down, I’m going down fighting. This isn’t just for me, or about me. This is about what image I want to present to my daughters. This is about being able to get a job that allows me to support them without sitting on a government system, without having to rob Peter to pay Paul. This is about being able to buy them clothes and toys and being able to buy them new, rather than secondhand or poor quality. This is about my kids, first, last, and always. Once you have them, almost nothing is about you anymore, except in terms of how it benefits them in the long run. Yes, it’s my education, but it’s their lives.

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